So here's part 2 of my REWIND series...
Last time I told you I had spinal menigitis, lymes disease, bells palsy, and a car accident. Well, now I'm here to tell you what happened when I turned 13...
I was waiting at the bus stop one morning with a group of friends. As we waited for the bus to come to take us to school, we were having normal fun and dialog. Next, all I remember was my friends were quiet and staring at me, then the bus pulled up so I walked onto the bus. Once we were on the bus, my friend Jamie asked me "Why did you do that?" I was completely confused. "Do what?" I asked her. Then she went on to tell me that while we were waiting at the bus stop I took my hand and started to play with another girl's hair and then just walked onto the bus like nothing happened. I then fought with her saying that I didn't do that, I don't remember touching anyone's hair. Needless to say, we both ended the conversation very confused!
That was only the beginning.... then my dad saw me in the bathroom brushing the mirror with my hairbrush. I was so confused, I didn't remember doing that... Then I was making a cake and my dad tried talking to me but he said I wasn't responding. So he took me away from the mixer and sat me in a chair and got really scared because I wasn't responding to him... I was staring into outerspace. I don't remember anything.... all I remember is I was mixing a cake and then I'm in a chair where my dad is freaking out and scaring me. Sooooo..... needless to say, after that, we went to the doctor to see what was going on!
After doing a lot of tests with my doctor, we found out that I suffer from Epilepsy which means I have seizures. So all this time, I was having seizures. Now I know when everyone hears the word 'seizure' they think of someone falling to the ground and shaking. So just to clear the air and give you a better understanding of seizures, there's actually a grand spectrum of seizures in how mild or grand they are.
<--------------------------l------------------------------>
petite me grand mal
seizures seizures
On one end, there are petite seizures which could only last maybe 3 seconds.... they're very minor but still a seizure. On the other end of the spectrum are the grand mal seizures which are the severe ones where the persons falls to the ground and shakes. I, on the other hand, am smack dab in the middle of the spectrum and have Partial Complex seizures. For partial complex seizures, I go unconscience, have a blank stare on my face, won't respond to anything, but my motor skills are still moving and working. So that is why I touched my friend's hair but don't remember and why I was brushing the bathroom mirror but had no clue I was doing it. I literally have a gap in my memory because of going unconscience.
Epilepsy is not hereditary. You have to have had an injury to the head or a major illness to cause you to start suffering from seizures. Yes, I have 3 things that it could be: my spinal menigitis, the lymes disease, or hitting my head in the accident. However, the problem is that my seizures didn't start right after any of those incidents. It was years later that I started to have seizures. So the cause of my seizures is still a mystery to this day!
Well, there is no formula or magic cure in "this is how you cure seizures.." Every person's situation is very unique to them. What works for them may not work for me. So all they can do is try some medication and wait to see if it works.... and if not, try again.
So that's what we did.... they started me on some medication. I was having about 2 seizures a week before I started the medicine and after I started the medicine, it went down to one a week. We had to wait a few months, went back to the doctor, switched my medicine and got it down to 2 a month. We had to wait a few months, went back to the doctor, switched my medicine and got it down to once a month. Had to wait a few months, went back to the doctor, switched my medicine, and got it down to one every other month.... and this is how the cycle went for 6 years!!! It wasn't until I graduated from high school that I was seizure free for a whole year!
Now as I was finding all this out and coming to grips with it.... all I kept asking is "Why me, God?" I hated it, I was ashamed of it, I felt like a complete weirdo and freak and was embarrassed of it as I was going through high school. But I never let it hold me back from doing anything because my whole desire was to feel as normal as everyone else and conquer this challenge. So I still was fully involved in high school, played basketball, took honors classes, fully involved in youth group, and so forth. I refused to let that define me.
But it wasn't easy... I was constantly exhausted. Beyond exhausted. The side effect of every medication I took was drowsiness.... so I was constantly sleeping. My mom could tell you. I would wake up, go to school, come home, fall asleep, wake up for dinner, do my homework, go to bed. That was it. By my senior year of high school I got permission to come to school a period later just so I could sleep longer it was that bad. And then I would have seizures at all the wrong places... while I'm taking class tests, during basketball practice, in church, in class, anywhere. And it was so embarassing because my body would do something crazy like how I unzipped my jeans in my history class, or almost lifted up my skirt in church, or flung all my papers on the floor in math class.... EMBARRASSING! And then it would be hard physically too because after the seizure, I would get a piercing migraine and have to go home and lay down.
I had many mixed emotions with God during this time. I was so mad and frustrated and upset. I hated having these. I felt like they ruined my life. I would get to the point of being without a seizure for longer and longer periods of time, just to then disappointingly have one and have to start over from square one again. I remember vividly, I was taking my SAT exam so I could get into college... and during the test I went into a seizure. The test proctor had no clue what was going on. But once I came out of it, my papers were everywhere and I was so confused. And that's when I broke out into tears. My test was ruined!... I ended up running out crying, told them to cancel my scores, and went home. It was then at moment that I cried out and screamed to God, "WHY?" It was a gut wrenching cry from the depths of my soul with sobs of tears as I laid on my bed. And at that very moment, God met me. I felt him cry with me and just hold me and tell me "it's going to be ok... I know it's hard, but trust me it's going to be ok." And then this peace, this unexplainable peace, came over me. It was so calming and reassuring.
And after that encounter with our true living and loving God, I started to build this faith and trust God that it's all going to be ok. Even if I did have a seizure, I kept trusting God as I knew he had/has this on my life for a reason, a plan, and a purpose. And even if I don't see it or know what that plan or purpose is, I made a conscience decision to just trust him. So know... everything in our lives is planned and orchestrated by God! I don't know what you may be going through... but just trust him through this rough time in your life. Know that everything is going to be ok. And know that God loves you and has a purpose and a plan for you through this! Just keep trusting Him!
But now, that's not all!! SUPRISE!!! While I was dealing with and coming to grips with my seizures.... another thing happened to me when I was 16!!! Stay tuned for the next post to see what happened to me then.
For now, I'll leave you with a song that really helped my through my seizures during high school... It's Jury Duty by the OC Supertones. There is one line in the chorus that I would just play over and over in my head all the time. It's "I don't always thank you for the rough days and the hard times in my life, even though I should". We need to always thank him and praise for EVERYTHING in our life!
This is the Chorus:
Every single moment whether sleeping or awake is your creation
What you made is good
I don't always thank you for the rough days and the hard times in my life,
Even though I should.
Here's a link to the song- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6WUIBr7Ncs
I pray you're encouraged by it through the rough times you may be going through in your life! Just Trust God!!
Living and loving by God's heartbeat,
Becky
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Rewind....
One of the main reasons I started this blog was to share with you God's incredible FAITHFULNESS through my experiences! I'm alive only because of Him! Hallelujah! So in order to tell you my story.... I must first rewind and start at the beginning! And just to give you a heads up.... I will be doing this in segments!
Life is a journey... twists, turns, dead ends, blessings, heartache, and many surprises. God has written for each one of us our own journey.... our own story! He works in all of our lives in many different, miraculous, and amazing ways. It's our job to share it with the world!
We all have a story to tell...
I am very blessed to have a mother and father who are madly in love with the Lord and have dedicated their lives to Him! I know that because of their faith, I was raised on a strong foundation where I learned about God and His love for me and witnessed it day after day through their actions. I praise God for them.
When I was 6 months old, I contracted spinal meningitis. My parents told me they remember that I spiked at a very high fever and while in the hospital, was having seizures because of the high fever. My mom and dad can only tell me that those next few days were a big blur as their emotions were everywhere. But praise God, after a few days in the hospital, the spinal meningitis was gone, I was better, and I was allowed to go home.
When I was 5 years old, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior! I remember going to Sunday School every week and my teacher talking about Jesus dying for me so I could go to heaven. So one morning I told my mom I want to ask Jesus to come into my heart and save me so I could go to heaven. And we prayed together on my bed that morning! I thank God again for my amazing parents and for being raised under their faith in God because if I wasn't saved at an early age or knew about God's love and grace as I got older.... I have no idea where I would be today!
When I was 8, I was bit by a tick, and contracted Lymes Disease. Growing up in South Jersey... it's almost inevitable. It's like every other person you knew had Lymes Disease. We live in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, so there are ticks all over the forests. So to take care of my Lymes Disease, I had to have an I.V. in my arm and feed medicine through it daily. As an 8 year old, this was a nightmare... I remember crying so many times because they had to take more than 4 or 5 attempts to try and get an I.V. in my arm, sometimes the I.V. would fall out, and it was the summer and I couldn't go swimming. I had to do this for a total of 8 weeks. And by the end, my veins were so shot from the I.V.s that I remember they stuck me 16 times before giving up.
Well... that wasn't all. The Lymes Disease ended up giving me Bells Palsy on the left side of my face. Bells Palsy is a tempory paralysis in the face. For me, this meant I had no control over my muscles and nerves on the left side of my face, and my face just drooped. To treat my Bells Palsy I had to go through electrical stimulation which is when they use an electrical current to stimulate or cause a single muscle or nerve to contract. This contraction makes the injured muscles strengthen and promotes healing. I also had to look in the mirror every morning and do facial exercises of smiling and frowning and other expressions to help strengthen my facial muscles. It took a while, but I praise God that my face healed and got back to normal where no one can see a difference at all. Only I can feel this, but when I smile, I still can feel a difference in one side being stronger than the other. But God is our AMAZING healer and I praise Him for healing me of the Lymes Disease and Bells Palsy.
When I was 10, my family and I were on the road taking a family vacation. We had a Bronco at the time and we were pulling a pop- up camper on the back of the Bronco with plans of going camping! I remember we were taking the ferry as a nice break on our road trip south. When it was time to drive off the ferry, my sister and I wanted to see through the front window. So I remember we piled pillows on our seat and sat on top of the pillows so we could see. We had no seat belts on. Right after we got off the ferry, a drunk driver ran into our camper... making our bronco turn and go up a telephone pole. My sister and I flew forward in the impact and I remember my dad was able to catch my sister, but I hit my head pretty bad on the dashboard. Thankfully we were all able to walk away and after being checked out in the hospital, we were all fine! Praise God again for His protection and safety over us!
..... this is just the beginning of the story God has written in my life....
and every day I praise God for being alive. For I could have died at 6 months... at 8 years old... or at 10 years old. But God has shown me HIS FAITHFULNESS... His everlasting faithfulness in my life! God has decided to keep me longer because I know He has a bigger purpose and calling for me. My work for Him is not finished!
So I just want to encourage you.... whatever you're going through... God is FAITHFUL and He will see you through it!! It might not be physical problems like I had... it could be financial, relationships, unemployment, you name it! Whatever you're going through... know that God is with you and He will see you through!!! Just TRUST in HIM!!! Just TRUST! Let go and TRUST! Take that leap of faith! Give over your worries, give over your burdens. Leave them at His feet! He will take care of you!! You are His child! He loves you!
And this is just the first chapter of my life..... stay tuned for what happened next when I turned 13. It's only by God's grace that I'm here... only His grace...
Psalms 36:5-9:
5 Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
Living by God's heartbeat...
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
Life is a journey... twists, turns, dead ends, blessings, heartache, and many surprises. God has written for each one of us our own journey.... our own story! He works in all of our lives in many different, miraculous, and amazing ways. It's our job to share it with the world!
We all have a story to tell...
I am very blessed to have a mother and father who are madly in love with the Lord and have dedicated their lives to Him! I know that because of their faith, I was raised on a strong foundation where I learned about God and His love for me and witnessed it day after day through their actions. I praise God for them.
When I was 6 months old, I contracted spinal meningitis. My parents told me they remember that I spiked at a very high fever and while in the hospital, was having seizures because of the high fever. My mom and dad can only tell me that those next few days were a big blur as their emotions were everywhere. But praise God, after a few days in the hospital, the spinal meningitis was gone, I was better, and I was allowed to go home.
When I was 5 years old, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior! I remember going to Sunday School every week and my teacher talking about Jesus dying for me so I could go to heaven. So one morning I told my mom I want to ask Jesus to come into my heart and save me so I could go to heaven. And we prayed together on my bed that morning! I thank God again for my amazing parents and for being raised under their faith in God because if I wasn't saved at an early age or knew about God's love and grace as I got older.... I have no idea where I would be today!
When I was 8, I was bit by a tick, and contracted Lymes Disease. Growing up in South Jersey... it's almost inevitable. It's like every other person you knew had Lymes Disease. We live in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey, so there are ticks all over the forests. So to take care of my Lymes Disease, I had to have an I.V. in my arm and feed medicine through it daily. As an 8 year old, this was a nightmare... I remember crying so many times because they had to take more than 4 or 5 attempts to try and get an I.V. in my arm, sometimes the I.V. would fall out, and it was the summer and I couldn't go swimming. I had to do this for a total of 8 weeks. And by the end, my veins were so shot from the I.V.s that I remember they stuck me 16 times before giving up.
Well... that wasn't all. The Lymes Disease ended up giving me Bells Palsy on the left side of my face. Bells Palsy is a tempory paralysis in the face. For me, this meant I had no control over my muscles and nerves on the left side of my face, and my face just drooped. To treat my Bells Palsy I had to go through electrical stimulation which is when they use an electrical current to stimulate or cause a single muscle or nerve to contract. This contraction makes the injured muscles strengthen and promotes healing. I also had to look in the mirror every morning and do facial exercises of smiling and frowning and other expressions to help strengthen my facial muscles. It took a while, but I praise God that my face healed and got back to normal where no one can see a difference at all. Only I can feel this, but when I smile, I still can feel a difference in one side being stronger than the other. But God is our AMAZING healer and I praise Him for healing me of the Lymes Disease and Bells Palsy.
When I was 10, my family and I were on the road taking a family vacation. We had a Bronco at the time and we were pulling a pop- up camper on the back of the Bronco with plans of going camping! I remember we were taking the ferry as a nice break on our road trip south. When it was time to drive off the ferry, my sister and I wanted to see through the front window. So I remember we piled pillows on our seat and sat on top of the pillows so we could see. We had no seat belts on. Right after we got off the ferry, a drunk driver ran into our camper... making our bronco turn and go up a telephone pole. My sister and I flew forward in the impact and I remember my dad was able to catch my sister, but I hit my head pretty bad on the dashboard. Thankfully we were all able to walk away and after being checked out in the hospital, we were all fine! Praise God again for His protection and safety over us!
..... this is just the beginning of the story God has written in my life....
and every day I praise God for being alive. For I could have died at 6 months... at 8 years old... or at 10 years old. But God has shown me HIS FAITHFULNESS... His everlasting faithfulness in my life! God has decided to keep me longer because I know He has a bigger purpose and calling for me. My work for Him is not finished!
So I just want to encourage you.... whatever you're going through... God is FAITHFUL and He will see you through it!! It might not be physical problems like I had... it could be financial, relationships, unemployment, you name it! Whatever you're going through... know that God is with you and He will see you through!!! Just TRUST in HIM!!! Just TRUST! Let go and TRUST! Take that leap of faith! Give over your worries, give over your burdens. Leave them at His feet! He will take care of you!! You are His child! He loves you!
And this is just the first chapter of my life..... stay tuned for what happened next when I turned 13. It's only by God's grace that I'm here... only His grace...
Psalms 36:5-9:
5 Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
6 Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.
7 How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
8 They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
9 For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.
Living by God's heartbeat...
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
Thursday, January 27, 2011
What does God's heart beat for?
You know when there's something you just absolutely love or are passionate about and you start to do it or talk about it... you get really excited and you feel alive!! Ever had that experience??? I have. I know for me... it's music!! If you see me play with my band, I truly feel alive and am so excited about it! Or just have a conversation with me about music, and I'm grinning ear to ear... I love it!! I'd say things and experiences like that are what our hearts beat for! We love it!
But what about God? What does his heart beat for? What is he most passionate about?
As I thought about this, many things came to my mind and they can all be summed up in the simple word of LOVE! The theme of love is woven throughout the whole bible as God shows his love for us over and over again and how we too should love! The bible can be summed up in two commands: 1) LOVE the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind and 2) LOVE your neighbor as yourself!
So what does God's heart beat for?
I think it's desiring to see us LOVE! He desires to see us seek him, and love him with all our hearts! And He desires to see us show His love to EVERYONE around us! To love others! This means loving your horrible boss, the annoying coworker, the weirdo person on the train, and the smelly homeless man. All of them are God's children that need God's love!
And how do you go about showing his love? It's by meeting their needs, being there for them, and fighting for them! Jesus didn't come to earth to sit on a throne. When Jesus came to earth, he served others, fought for others, and fought for justice! He was despised by so many because he continued to break laws and upset the ways of government that were not right or were unfair to others. He fought for the justice and rights of all, especially the poor!
Matthew 25: 35-36 says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
Verse 40 then says, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
God is in the business of helping others, the poor, the outcasts, the lonely, EVERYONE! Everyone needs to feel and see the Love of God!
So what are some ways we can do that?
Easy... there are TONS of ways.... but what God calls or inspires us to do will be different for each one of us! I read this book titled Zealous Love by Mike and Danae Yankoski. I highly recommend it! It tells you about the 8 biggest problems going on in our world today- human trafficking, unclean water, refugees, hunger, lack of education, not taking care of our environment, HIV/AIDS, and inequality. I mean just take a second and let that all sink in! Its crazy how much hurt and wrong is going on around us and it is so easy for us to be oblivious to it as we go on with our daily lives! People don't have clean water, a place to sleep, or the same rights that we do and that's not right! I challenge you to really spend time thinking about the vast needs that are out there and what you might be passionate about to help and to change! And read Zealous Love!! It will help guide you, inform you, and see what you may be passionate about!
And please don't take this as me saying these 8 things are the only things we can do... not at all! I'm just mentioning them because they're the biggest problems across the globe and I'm pretty sure that God is really concerned about them. But God is calling us all in smaller ways to love the people that we meet, see, and work with everyday too!
For me, I know now that God has given me this deep desire about education! I went to the Philippines this summer and I found out that many children are unable to get an education because they're families can't afford to pay for them to go to school! I was very distraught by that! Every child should be able to get an education. And it was there that it made me realize that education is the only key that will open the door for someone to get out of poverty. Unless you're gifted with a trade, you need an education to have a job that will provide for all your basic needs.
And then I thought about it in America- the only thing that will break the cycle of poverty and welfare in families is an education. That is the only key to breaking the cycle! With an education, a huge door opens with many opportunities for jobs that will sustain a living. Without an education, you can only get jobs that pay very little and can't really sustain a living. Then I thought about all the outside forces that try and keep kids away from completing their education: gangs, drugs, sex, violence. Its a fight! And its a fight I'm willing to fight! God's given me this deep passion to help our children succeed by giving them an education and helping them see the the importance in that! And God has prompted me to become a principal....so I just started classes at NYU this week to reach that goal! Please pray for me as I go that I will learn all that God wants me to learn and that He molds me into the principal and educator that He wants me to be!
So how are you "living by God's heartbeat?"
Me- God is my pacemaker and I'm passionate about educating our children, I'm living by God's heartbeat!
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
But what about God? What does his heart beat for? What is he most passionate about?
As I thought about this, many things came to my mind and they can all be summed up in the simple word of LOVE! The theme of love is woven throughout the whole bible as God shows his love for us over and over again and how we too should love! The bible can be summed up in two commands: 1) LOVE the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind and 2) LOVE your neighbor as yourself!
So what does God's heart beat for?
I think it's desiring to see us LOVE! He desires to see us seek him, and love him with all our hearts! And He desires to see us show His love to EVERYONE around us! To love others! This means loving your horrible boss, the annoying coworker, the weirdo person on the train, and the smelly homeless man. All of them are God's children that need God's love!
And how do you go about showing his love? It's by meeting their needs, being there for them, and fighting for them! Jesus didn't come to earth to sit on a throne. When Jesus came to earth, he served others, fought for others, and fought for justice! He was despised by so many because he continued to break laws and upset the ways of government that were not right or were unfair to others. He fought for the justice and rights of all, especially the poor!
Matthew 25: 35-36 says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."
Verse 40 then says, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
God is in the business of helping others, the poor, the outcasts, the lonely, EVERYONE! Everyone needs to feel and see the Love of God!
So what are some ways we can do that?
Easy... there are TONS of ways.... but what God calls or inspires us to do will be different for each one of us! I read this book titled Zealous Love by Mike and Danae Yankoski. I highly recommend it! It tells you about the 8 biggest problems going on in our world today- human trafficking, unclean water, refugees, hunger, lack of education, not taking care of our environment, HIV/AIDS, and inequality. I mean just take a second and let that all sink in! Its crazy how much hurt and wrong is going on around us and it is so easy for us to be oblivious to it as we go on with our daily lives! People don't have clean water, a place to sleep, or the same rights that we do and that's not right! I challenge you to really spend time thinking about the vast needs that are out there and what you might be passionate about to help and to change! And read Zealous Love!! It will help guide you, inform you, and see what you may be passionate about!
And please don't take this as me saying these 8 things are the only things we can do... not at all! I'm just mentioning them because they're the biggest problems across the globe and I'm pretty sure that God is really concerned about them. But God is calling us all in smaller ways to love the people that we meet, see, and work with everyday too!
For me, I know now that God has given me this deep desire about education! I went to the Philippines this summer and I found out that many children are unable to get an education because they're families can't afford to pay for them to go to school! I was very distraught by that! Every child should be able to get an education. And it was there that it made me realize that education is the only key that will open the door for someone to get out of poverty. Unless you're gifted with a trade, you need an education to have a job that will provide for all your basic needs.
And then I thought about it in America- the only thing that will break the cycle of poverty and welfare in families is an education. That is the only key to breaking the cycle! With an education, a huge door opens with many opportunities for jobs that will sustain a living. Without an education, you can only get jobs that pay very little and can't really sustain a living. Then I thought about all the outside forces that try and keep kids away from completing their education: gangs, drugs, sex, violence. Its a fight! And its a fight I'm willing to fight! God's given me this deep passion to help our children succeed by giving them an education and helping them see the the importance in that! And God has prompted me to become a principal....so I just started classes at NYU this week to reach that goal! Please pray for me as I go that I will learn all that God wants me to learn and that He molds me into the principal and educator that He wants me to be!
So how are you "living by God's heartbeat?"
Me- God is my pacemaker and I'm passionate about educating our children, I'm living by God's heartbeat!
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Alive by God's Heartbeat...
"Jesus, please don't let me die!" That was what I was crying outloud through tears and gasps of breath as I lay on my kitchen floor. I was scared out of my mind, to the depth of my soul... all I could continue to do was cry out "Jesus". My head felt like it was spinning and ready to explode....
Earlier that morning I had just started setting up my classroom for the upcoming school year. It was a very successful day as I got a lot accomplished, but I needed to go buy more supplies. So after going to a teacher store, I was on the bus heading home when I started to not feel right. As I was sitting in my seat, I was getting waves of dizziness to my head. I tried to feel my pulse and even though I'm not a doctor... the pulse didn't feel right.
After getting off of the bus, about every 5 steps I took I had to stop and try to maintain my balance as I would get this rush of lightheadedness to my head. It made my head feel like it was going to explode and also make me feel weak and want to fall over. Now I was concerned. Something's not right and I think it's my heart. So I slowly took my time to get to my apartment, stopping every 5 steps, and planned on calling my doctor as soon I got in.
<<PAUSE>> I know, know... you don't want a pause in the story..... BUT there's something important you must know before we continue. Plus.... it adds more dramatic effect making you wait! :)
What you need to know is that I have a pacemaker. I have had one for 10 years and am fully dependant on it for my heart to beat.
ok..... now we can continue....
So when I walked in my apartment, I literally dropped everything at the door, took my phone, and went straight to the kitchen for a glass of water. I was hoping maybe some water would help me feel better. But still, this feeling was not going away. It was actually getting worse. I was continually feeling the rushes of lightheadedness. So I open the refrigerator and reach in for the pitcher of water.......
......I wake up on the kitchen floor, water spilled all over me and the floor, the refrigerator door still open, my lip is busted. What just happened? I was so confused. It took a second, but I finally realized that I had just fainted. Now, I'm home alone... my roommate was at work, no mommy or daddy up here. I start freaking out. I mean, how long was I out? I have no idea. And now the rushes of lightheadedness are nonstop- there's no break. So I'm sitting on my kitchen floor with tears streaming down my eyes as my head feels like its about to explode, there's nothing I can do to stop it, I feel completely helpless and I'm scared out of my mind.
I praise God that I had my phone with me. I call my doctor and he was able to help calm me down a lot, but I still was having the nonstop pressure in my head of ligtheadedness. After a conversation with my doctor, we both agreed it had to be my pacemaker and that I should get it checked out. He told me if I could get to NYU he could call ahead to get me in faster and since he's affliliated with that hospital, anything I needed done could be done there. So I started to call friends who have cars. First phone call, no answer. Second person, no answer. Third person, is stuck and can't leave. Fourth person, at a water park outside of the city..... I'm freaking out all over again and just crying "Jesus". [Its in these moments that crying out one word means so much more and is much deeper than any lofty prayer that people try to use high vocabulary words to impress those around them. Prayer is so simple- just say or cry out what your feeling. God knows. He'd rather you be real with him instead of trying to follow a "this is how you pray" plan. So I challenge you- just cry out to Jesus.] So I try person number five, and finally by God's blessing- this brother was able to help me! And by the time I got off of the phone with him, my roommate came home and her presence alone helped calm me down.
So he picked me and my roommate up, and we went to NYU. Praise God it wasn't long until I got in and right away they could see my heatbeat was off. When they finally interrogated my pacemaker to see what was wrong they found out that the wire that connects my pacemaker to my heart was failing. It wasn't sending the pulse through which meant my heart wasn't getting the pulses it needed. So I needed surgery! Thankfully the doctor was able to switch some setting on my pacemaker so that I felt fine again while waiting to be admitted and scheduling my surgery for the next day. And one thing I praise God for is the family of Christ! I am truly blessed! My roommate and my brother in Christ stayed with me by my side the whole time until I was admitted and it was such a deep blessing that they did that for me, words can't describe how thankful I am.
So to fastforward a little. The next morning, my mom drove up and was with me for my surgery. The doctors told us they were planning on replacing the wire and giving me a new pacemaker battery. The surgery was a great success! And the day after my surgeruy, I was given permission to go home and again I was amazed and overwhelmed by the love of the family of Christ. I had a sister in Christ freely volunteer to come pick me up and take me home and she stayed and cooked dinner for me. I didn't even have to worry about finding a ride. And to continue to show the blessings of the family of Christ- my roommate had many friends come over and give me a surprise welcome home party! And I had brothers and sisters come and set up my classroom for me since I couldn't do it. They were absolutely amazing! I am amazed by God and truly blessed. I can't put into words the depths of my thankfulness for each and every person in my life!
Now- it's been 4 months since the surgery and I can PRAISE GOD that I am still alive and that everything with my heart, my pacemaker, and my wire is GREAT! To God be the Glory!
So why tell you this story??...............glad you asked :)
While I was in the process of recovering, I was inspired by God and also through talking with others to share my stories with you to show you GOD'S FAITHFULNESS!! My testimony is a living example of God's faithfulness! I truly could have died that day. But by God's everlasting love and faithfulness to us, He saw me through this and has made me stronger because of it! I mean this with all my heart when I tell you - I will never doubt God again in my life for I know that I know that I know He will always come through. After this experience I feel so strong and secure, and anchored... nothing or no one could ever waver my faith again. So if I could leave you with one thing today it is to just TRUST GOD and know that HE IS FAITHFUL! Whatever you may be going through right at this moment- just let go and let God. Just trust Him! He will see you through-- He will!
Here's a verse to leave you with:
Psalms 73: 26- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I have literally felt my flesh and my heart fail--- but God was and will always be my strength!
God is my pacemaker- I'm Living By God's Heartbeat
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
Earlier that morning I had just started setting up my classroom for the upcoming school year. It was a very successful day as I got a lot accomplished, but I needed to go buy more supplies. So after going to a teacher store, I was on the bus heading home when I started to not feel right. As I was sitting in my seat, I was getting waves of dizziness to my head. I tried to feel my pulse and even though I'm not a doctor... the pulse didn't feel right.
After getting off of the bus, about every 5 steps I took I had to stop and try to maintain my balance as I would get this rush of lightheadedness to my head. It made my head feel like it was going to explode and also make me feel weak and want to fall over. Now I was concerned. Something's not right and I think it's my heart. So I slowly took my time to get to my apartment, stopping every 5 steps, and planned on calling my doctor as soon I got in.
<<PAUSE>> I know, know... you don't want a pause in the story..... BUT there's something important you must know before we continue. Plus.... it adds more dramatic effect making you wait! :)
What you need to know is that I have a pacemaker. I have had one for 10 years and am fully dependant on it for my heart to beat.
ok..... now we can continue....
So when I walked in my apartment, I literally dropped everything at the door, took my phone, and went straight to the kitchen for a glass of water. I was hoping maybe some water would help me feel better. But still, this feeling was not going away. It was actually getting worse. I was continually feeling the rushes of lightheadedness. So I open the refrigerator and reach in for the pitcher of water.......
......I wake up on the kitchen floor, water spilled all over me and the floor, the refrigerator door still open, my lip is busted. What just happened? I was so confused. It took a second, but I finally realized that I had just fainted. Now, I'm home alone... my roommate was at work, no mommy or daddy up here. I start freaking out. I mean, how long was I out? I have no idea. And now the rushes of lightheadedness are nonstop- there's no break. So I'm sitting on my kitchen floor with tears streaming down my eyes as my head feels like its about to explode, there's nothing I can do to stop it, I feel completely helpless and I'm scared out of my mind.
I praise God that I had my phone with me. I call my doctor and he was able to help calm me down a lot, but I still was having the nonstop pressure in my head of ligtheadedness. After a conversation with my doctor, we both agreed it had to be my pacemaker and that I should get it checked out. He told me if I could get to NYU he could call ahead to get me in faster and since he's affliliated with that hospital, anything I needed done could be done there. So I started to call friends who have cars. First phone call, no answer. Second person, no answer. Third person, is stuck and can't leave. Fourth person, at a water park outside of the city..... I'm freaking out all over again and just crying "Jesus". [Its in these moments that crying out one word means so much more and is much deeper than any lofty prayer that people try to use high vocabulary words to impress those around them. Prayer is so simple- just say or cry out what your feeling. God knows. He'd rather you be real with him instead of trying to follow a "this is how you pray" plan. So I challenge you- just cry out to Jesus.] So I try person number five, and finally by God's blessing- this brother was able to help me! And by the time I got off of the phone with him, my roommate came home and her presence alone helped calm me down.
So he picked me and my roommate up, and we went to NYU. Praise God it wasn't long until I got in and right away they could see my heatbeat was off. When they finally interrogated my pacemaker to see what was wrong they found out that the wire that connects my pacemaker to my heart was failing. It wasn't sending the pulse through which meant my heart wasn't getting the pulses it needed. So I needed surgery! Thankfully the doctor was able to switch some setting on my pacemaker so that I felt fine again while waiting to be admitted and scheduling my surgery for the next day. And one thing I praise God for is the family of Christ! I am truly blessed! My roommate and my brother in Christ stayed with me by my side the whole time until I was admitted and it was such a deep blessing that they did that for me, words can't describe how thankful I am.
So to fastforward a little. The next morning, my mom drove up and was with me for my surgery. The doctors told us they were planning on replacing the wire and giving me a new pacemaker battery. The surgery was a great success! And the day after my surgeruy, I was given permission to go home and again I was amazed and overwhelmed by the love of the family of Christ. I had a sister in Christ freely volunteer to come pick me up and take me home and she stayed and cooked dinner for me. I didn't even have to worry about finding a ride. And to continue to show the blessings of the family of Christ- my roommate had many friends come over and give me a surprise welcome home party! And I had brothers and sisters come and set up my classroom for me since I couldn't do it. They were absolutely amazing! I am amazed by God and truly blessed. I can't put into words the depths of my thankfulness for each and every person in my life!
Now- it's been 4 months since the surgery and I can PRAISE GOD that I am still alive and that everything with my heart, my pacemaker, and my wire is GREAT! To God be the Glory!
So why tell you this story??...............glad you asked :)
While I was in the process of recovering, I was inspired by God and also through talking with others to share my stories with you to show you GOD'S FAITHFULNESS!! My testimony is a living example of God's faithfulness! I truly could have died that day. But by God's everlasting love and faithfulness to us, He saw me through this and has made me stronger because of it! I mean this with all my heart when I tell you - I will never doubt God again in my life for I know that I know that I know He will always come through. After this experience I feel so strong and secure, and anchored... nothing or no one could ever waver my faith again. So if I could leave you with one thing today it is to just TRUST GOD and know that HE IS FAITHFUL! Whatever you may be going through right at this moment- just let go and let God. Just trust Him! He will see you through-- He will!
Here's a verse to leave you with:
Psalms 73: 26- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I have literally felt my flesh and my heart fail--- but God was and will always be my strength!
God is my pacemaker- I'm Living By God's Heartbeat
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
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