I wanted to take a little break from sharing my testimony and take the opportunity to share with you my heart of what I know God has called me to do. Enjoy the video...
http://vimeo.com/27724702
Living by God's heartbeat..
Loving recklessly,
Becky
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Are you ready to die?
Many of us have had an experience where death has stared us in the face. Some of you may have been fortunate enough not to, but just imagine yourself about to face death. At that moment, are you ready to die? ... I asked myself that very same question at the age of 16.
I was in 10th grade, coping and dealing with my seizures, and trying to get through school one day at a time. Thanksgiving was approaching and that meant basketball season would soon be here! In preparation for basketball, I was getting a routine physical done in school that all athletes had to have. During the physical, the doctor was listening to my heart, looked at me, listened to my heart again, wrote some things down, and then at the end of the physical told me I should go get my heart looked at because he heard something.
Thoughts just started rushing through my head- What? Are you kidding? Is this for real? What in the world is going on? I can't believe this. What could it possibly be? God, is this really happening to me? Again? Something else now?
Well, I went home and told my parents the news and they were just as stunned. This just came out of no where. So we set up an appointment to go get it looked it.
Sure enough, once we got to the doctor's office, he took a listen and he heard something as well. So right away I was sent to go get many many tests done. I had to wear a halter monitor that recorded my heartbeat throughout the day, have two stress tests (which were awful), get an echo, have an mri... and a few more. I quickly got use to having people listening to me, touching me, and always having wires attached to me. My family and I continued to try and let this sink in as it was all happening so quickly and we still weren't really able to process the fact that I might have a heart problem. I was just asking God that he would show us what it was.
After about two weeks of testing, we came back to the doctor's office, he sat us down, and told us that I have Wolf Parkinson's White Disease (WPW). We were like WHAT? He then explained that WPW is when my heart beats too fast when I'm sitting, and not fast enough when I'm running. The reason this happens is because the heart has too many electrical nerves than it should. That means I was born with extra electrical nerves in my heart that caused the WPW. When we heard this, my parents and I were all bug eyed and had to remember to take a breath. It was just shocking. This is when it finally hit home... this is real... I really have a heart problem.
So he continues to tell us that there's good news- "there's a surgery that can be done to fix this problem and it has been very successful. It's called an ablation which means they use small cathedars (or wires of some kind) to go into the heart and burn away the extra nerves that shouldn't be there."
Shortly after, the surgery was scheduled and I was trying to understand and cope with all that was happening. The doctor had to sit me down the day before the surgery and tell me all the risks about the surgery and all I remember from that conversation was his statement "some people have died from this surgery, however that was when this surgery was first started and is not likely at all to happen to you." Well the rest of the conversation was like charlie brown's teacher- woh wah wah wah.... All I took from that is..... I AM GOING TO DIE. I must have had a glazed look on my face the rest of the way home as I didn't say much and just kept thinking that- I'm getting HEART surgery....I'm going to die tomorrow.
That night I couldn't sleep. I was up pleading with God- God I don't want to die. It's not fair. I'm not ready to die. I want to get married and have kids. I want to finish school. I want to do this, I want that, I want, I want, I want.....
Then all of sudden as I'm thinking all these thoughts and pleading with God- it just hits me. Why am I afraid to die? Don't I want to literally be able to stand face to face and see my God? Don't I want to be in heaven someday, which just might be sooner than I thought? Whatever happened to my love and desire for my King, my God? Isn't He the most important thing I should desire? There's nothing else that compares to Him. There's nothing else that matters, nothing else that lasts, everything is meaningless just like in the example of Job. Whatever happened to having a longing for heaven? I should long to be with my King. This world and this life is not what I should be wanting. And at that very moment I surrendered my life over to God. I told him... you know my desires, but I let them go and surrender my life to you because it is not mine but yours, you hold the plans of my life. May whatever happens be of you and for your glory. And then at that exact moment I surrendered all my selfish desires for His desires, and I felt his all- surpassing and unexplainable peace come over me and calm every last worry and every last nerve in my body. I was at peace. And after I surrendered my life to Him, I realized it was a win- win situation. Either I'll wake up and see my God or I'll wake up and see my parents! So there is really nothing at all I should worry over. For whether I live or I die, the outcomes are both marvelous! It's a win- win!
The next day I was ready... I was ready to tell death to stop staring me in the face because you have no power over me! I'm not afraid to die and see my everlasting King! So I went into surgery with complete peace knowing that my life was in God's hands and that I was trusting him! He knew what he was doing!
So I wake up out of surgery and praise God with whatever I can (as groggy as you are getting out of surgery) because I am still alive and God has plan for me to be here on this earth a little longer! Praise the Lord!!! :) However, I then hear the doctor talk to me, as I am still in and out of it from the anestesia, and he tells me that the surgery was unsuccessful. (Sound effects: Wah, wah, wah....)
What happened was when he was going in to burn away a extra electrical nerve in my heart, the bad nerve was covering and overlapping a good nerve that no doctor could have seen. So when he burned the bad nerve, he burned the good nerve too. This in turn, now caused 100 percent heart block. Heart block is when the top chambers of the heart can not communicate to the bottom chambers of the heart for what pace to beat at. So what ends up happening is the top chambers are beating at one pace and the bottom chambers at a totally different pace. Not Good! Your heart can't keep a steady rate and get the blood flowing properly throughout your body when they're not beating in sync. So the doctors wanted to observe me for 3 days before deciding what to do because they said that sometimes the heart is able to fix itself.
Well within those 3 days, I don't remember much. My dad said they were literally pumping adrenaline into my body through an IV to keep my heart at a good pace. But my heart would jump all around. One second the monitor is showing it's beating at the pace of 63 then the next second it's at 120, then back down to 40 then up to 80... and over all the place within just seconds. I would be laying in bed and my heart would start to beat so fast I thought it was going to fly out of my chest. I stood up to give someone a hug and fainted. My heart could just not keep a beat. Needless to say, after 3 days, the doctors told me I would need a pacemaker.
So again, I had to go back into surgery, and after having to hear all the risks for this surgery, I still continued to keep my life in God's hands and have His complete peace. And praise the Lord, this time everything went well! I got out of the surgery and recovered for a few days in hospital where they observed me to make sure everything was working ok and then I was able to finish recovering at home. So.. a pacemaker for those who don't know... basically tells my heart when to beat. It's keeps a pace! My pacemaker listens to the top chambers of my heart and tells the bottom chambers when to beat by sending a small pulse. The pacemaker is only the size of two half dollar coins stacked together, it has a battery that needs to be replaced every 5 years, and has a very sophisticated computer chip in it where it can speed up the pulse for me when I exercise and run, it records any funny heart beats for my doctor to look at, and can change the strength of the pulse. These little things are actually pretty cool with all that they can do!
So now I live and breath by the power of a tiny pacemaker. I am 98 percent dependant on my pacemaker which means my heart literally can't beat without help. This alone was a huge lesson in my life. If I am totally relying and depending on this tiny little battery (that can fail me at any moment) to live, breath, act, move, and do anything and everything in life..... how much MORE dependant should I be on God???? We need to depend on God for our every need. He is our source of strength, of healing, of joy, of comfort, of our physical needs, of mercy, of forgiveness... He is our source for EVERYTHING! We need to stop trying to do things on our own. The reality is we can't. We are going to continue to fail over and over again the more we try to do things our own way. We need to just surrender EVERYTHING to God and let Him show us his amazing power!! Just like my heart can't beat on it's own and depends on the pacemaker, so we too need to realize we can't do it on our own and depend on God! There's a freedom to letting go and letting God move!!! It's completely freeing! Just trust God!
And know too, that I wouldn't trade these experiences for anything else in the world. I thank God for this! Everything that happens in our lives is for a purpose. It is through this experience that I was able to get my perspective right on what's the most important thing in this world. Nothing else matters but Christ and His love for us. Nothing else matters- it's all going to fade away.
Some of you may be asking how when I had to face death- how did I know without a doubt I would go to heaven? I'm here to tell you it's because of Christ's love for us! Christ came down from heaven, died on a cross for our sins, and rose again, defeating death just so we could go to heaven. No matter how many good acts you do, you could never make it to heaven on your own. We are all filthy sinners. Just one lie makes us a filthy sinner and the only way to pay the price for sin is death, but the good news is Christ paid that price for us already!! He made a way! It's His loving sacraficial gift to us that all we need to do is accept it and follow Him! So I encourage you if you have never accepted His gift to not wait another second, but to accept His gift and follow Him! It's the most important decision you could ever make! Then you too can face death and laugh in it's face knowing that one day you will be able to stand in glory with Jesus Christ in heaven! You'll have eternal life in heaven with Christ! Death has no power over us! So trust your life to Him! And Live for Him!
And if you have accepted Christ and are living for him, I challenge you.... what are you living for? Are you living for fleshly desires? Are you focused on things of this earth? Are you focused on selfish desires? Or are you remembering that the things of this earth will fade away and don't matter? Are you focused on the things that count? Is you life surrendered to God to do the things He has called you to do? Are you eager to one day be in heaven and be able to worship God at His feet? Are you eager to see Him face to face? Where is your focus? And who are you depending on? Are you trying to do it all by yourself like you've got this.. or are you surrendered and depending on God?
I tell you, this experience has changed my life for the better and I remember it every morning and every day as I wake up and thank God for life. I thank God for another breath. I thank God that I can run and play basketball. And I give every second of it to Him. I'm living for Him! He's why I'm alive and that's why I'm here to proclaim His good news, His love, His grace, His mercy, and His faithfulness... His everlasting faithfulness! So I encourage you, if you're going through a tough time of health, finances, umemployment, relationships, you name it.... surrender it to God. Trust Him and know that He will answer your prayers! Let His all surpassing peace come over you and give you rest. Let Him show you His power and glory through working it all out! God is faithful.... He will provide!!! He will heal!! He will save!!! He will meet every single need and desire that is ours when we are fully surrendered to Him!!! So just let go and let God!! TRUST HIM!!! Let you're faith grow!! He will do it!! Know that HE IS FAITHFUL!
I pray that this encourages you!! And know that there is more to my story..... but that is for another day! So please stay tuned!
I want to leave you with a song that really encouraged me during this time. It's called One Day at a Time by Jeremy Camp. All we can do while we're in the middle of the storm is take it one day at a time....
One day at a time i will walk this road i've traveled so far
One day at a time well i know i will carry on
One day at a time i can see you took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along
All this hope i breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and i'll take all i will
To understand this plan you have for me, for me
I've been shut up shut down held out held down
In ways i never knew i would
I CAN feel your fullness in my life
Well i've been burned out broken torn out torn down
In ways i never knew i would
I CAN feel your fullness in my life
One day at a time I will take these words you've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing you
One day at a time I will share this gift you've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through
All I know is that I see how much my heart
Is longing to be cradled by your side
And i'll give all i can to one day soon
Be held by your hand, by your hand
In all these things i will press on
I'll be with you i know it wont be long
Here's the link to here the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyUrpBVcWOY
Living by God's heartbeat...
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
I was in 10th grade, coping and dealing with my seizures, and trying to get through school one day at a time. Thanksgiving was approaching and that meant basketball season would soon be here! In preparation for basketball, I was getting a routine physical done in school that all athletes had to have. During the physical, the doctor was listening to my heart, looked at me, listened to my heart again, wrote some things down, and then at the end of the physical told me I should go get my heart looked at because he heard something.
Thoughts just started rushing through my head- What? Are you kidding? Is this for real? What in the world is going on? I can't believe this. What could it possibly be? God, is this really happening to me? Again? Something else now?
Well, I went home and told my parents the news and they were just as stunned. This just came out of no where. So we set up an appointment to go get it looked it.
Sure enough, once we got to the doctor's office, he took a listen and he heard something as well. So right away I was sent to go get many many tests done. I had to wear a halter monitor that recorded my heartbeat throughout the day, have two stress tests (which were awful), get an echo, have an mri... and a few more. I quickly got use to having people listening to me, touching me, and always having wires attached to me. My family and I continued to try and let this sink in as it was all happening so quickly and we still weren't really able to process the fact that I might have a heart problem. I was just asking God that he would show us what it was.
After about two weeks of testing, we came back to the doctor's office, he sat us down, and told us that I have Wolf Parkinson's White Disease (WPW). We were like WHAT? He then explained that WPW is when my heart beats too fast when I'm sitting, and not fast enough when I'm running. The reason this happens is because the heart has too many electrical nerves than it should. That means I was born with extra electrical nerves in my heart that caused the WPW. When we heard this, my parents and I were all bug eyed and had to remember to take a breath. It was just shocking. This is when it finally hit home... this is real... I really have a heart problem.
So he continues to tell us that there's good news- "there's a surgery that can be done to fix this problem and it has been very successful. It's called an ablation which means they use small cathedars (or wires of some kind) to go into the heart and burn away the extra nerves that shouldn't be there."
Shortly after, the surgery was scheduled and I was trying to understand and cope with all that was happening. The doctor had to sit me down the day before the surgery and tell me all the risks about the surgery and all I remember from that conversation was his statement "some people have died from this surgery, however that was when this surgery was first started and is not likely at all to happen to you." Well the rest of the conversation was like charlie brown's teacher- woh wah wah wah.... All I took from that is..... I AM GOING TO DIE. I must have had a glazed look on my face the rest of the way home as I didn't say much and just kept thinking that- I'm getting HEART surgery....I'm going to die tomorrow.
That night I couldn't sleep. I was up pleading with God- God I don't want to die. It's not fair. I'm not ready to die. I want to get married and have kids. I want to finish school. I want to do this, I want that, I want, I want, I want.....
Then all of sudden as I'm thinking all these thoughts and pleading with God- it just hits me. Why am I afraid to die? Don't I want to literally be able to stand face to face and see my God? Don't I want to be in heaven someday, which just might be sooner than I thought? Whatever happened to my love and desire for my King, my God? Isn't He the most important thing I should desire? There's nothing else that compares to Him. There's nothing else that matters, nothing else that lasts, everything is meaningless just like in the example of Job. Whatever happened to having a longing for heaven? I should long to be with my King. This world and this life is not what I should be wanting. And at that very moment I surrendered my life over to God. I told him... you know my desires, but I let them go and surrender my life to you because it is not mine but yours, you hold the plans of my life. May whatever happens be of you and for your glory. And then at that exact moment I surrendered all my selfish desires for His desires, and I felt his all- surpassing and unexplainable peace come over me and calm every last worry and every last nerve in my body. I was at peace. And after I surrendered my life to Him, I realized it was a win- win situation. Either I'll wake up and see my God or I'll wake up and see my parents! So there is really nothing at all I should worry over. For whether I live or I die, the outcomes are both marvelous! It's a win- win!
The next day I was ready... I was ready to tell death to stop staring me in the face because you have no power over me! I'm not afraid to die and see my everlasting King! So I went into surgery with complete peace knowing that my life was in God's hands and that I was trusting him! He knew what he was doing!
So I wake up out of surgery and praise God with whatever I can (as groggy as you are getting out of surgery) because I am still alive and God has plan for me to be here on this earth a little longer! Praise the Lord!!! :) However, I then hear the doctor talk to me, as I am still in and out of it from the anestesia, and he tells me that the surgery was unsuccessful. (Sound effects: Wah, wah, wah....)
What happened was when he was going in to burn away a extra electrical nerve in my heart, the bad nerve was covering and overlapping a good nerve that no doctor could have seen. So when he burned the bad nerve, he burned the good nerve too. This in turn, now caused 100 percent heart block. Heart block is when the top chambers of the heart can not communicate to the bottom chambers of the heart for what pace to beat at. So what ends up happening is the top chambers are beating at one pace and the bottom chambers at a totally different pace. Not Good! Your heart can't keep a steady rate and get the blood flowing properly throughout your body when they're not beating in sync. So the doctors wanted to observe me for 3 days before deciding what to do because they said that sometimes the heart is able to fix itself.
Well within those 3 days, I don't remember much. My dad said they were literally pumping adrenaline into my body through an IV to keep my heart at a good pace. But my heart would jump all around. One second the monitor is showing it's beating at the pace of 63 then the next second it's at 120, then back down to 40 then up to 80... and over all the place within just seconds. I would be laying in bed and my heart would start to beat so fast I thought it was going to fly out of my chest. I stood up to give someone a hug and fainted. My heart could just not keep a beat. Needless to say, after 3 days, the doctors told me I would need a pacemaker.
So again, I had to go back into surgery, and after having to hear all the risks for this surgery, I still continued to keep my life in God's hands and have His complete peace. And praise the Lord, this time everything went well! I got out of the surgery and recovered for a few days in hospital where they observed me to make sure everything was working ok and then I was able to finish recovering at home. So.. a pacemaker for those who don't know... basically tells my heart when to beat. It's keeps a pace! My pacemaker listens to the top chambers of my heart and tells the bottom chambers when to beat by sending a small pulse. The pacemaker is only the size of two half dollar coins stacked together, it has a battery that needs to be replaced every 5 years, and has a very sophisticated computer chip in it where it can speed up the pulse for me when I exercise and run, it records any funny heart beats for my doctor to look at, and can change the strength of the pulse. These little things are actually pretty cool with all that they can do!
So now I live and breath by the power of a tiny pacemaker. I am 98 percent dependant on my pacemaker which means my heart literally can't beat without help. This alone was a huge lesson in my life. If I am totally relying and depending on this tiny little battery (that can fail me at any moment) to live, breath, act, move, and do anything and everything in life..... how much MORE dependant should I be on God???? We need to depend on God for our every need. He is our source of strength, of healing, of joy, of comfort, of our physical needs, of mercy, of forgiveness... He is our source for EVERYTHING! We need to stop trying to do things on our own. The reality is we can't. We are going to continue to fail over and over again the more we try to do things our own way. We need to just surrender EVERYTHING to God and let Him show us his amazing power!! Just like my heart can't beat on it's own and depends on the pacemaker, so we too need to realize we can't do it on our own and depend on God! There's a freedom to letting go and letting God move!!! It's completely freeing! Just trust God!
And know too, that I wouldn't trade these experiences for anything else in the world. I thank God for this! Everything that happens in our lives is for a purpose. It is through this experience that I was able to get my perspective right on what's the most important thing in this world. Nothing else matters but Christ and His love for us. Nothing else matters- it's all going to fade away.
Some of you may be asking how when I had to face death- how did I know without a doubt I would go to heaven? I'm here to tell you it's because of Christ's love for us! Christ came down from heaven, died on a cross for our sins, and rose again, defeating death just so we could go to heaven. No matter how many good acts you do, you could never make it to heaven on your own. We are all filthy sinners. Just one lie makes us a filthy sinner and the only way to pay the price for sin is death, but the good news is Christ paid that price for us already!! He made a way! It's His loving sacraficial gift to us that all we need to do is accept it and follow Him! So I encourage you if you have never accepted His gift to not wait another second, but to accept His gift and follow Him! It's the most important decision you could ever make! Then you too can face death and laugh in it's face knowing that one day you will be able to stand in glory with Jesus Christ in heaven! You'll have eternal life in heaven with Christ! Death has no power over us! So trust your life to Him! And Live for Him!
And if you have accepted Christ and are living for him, I challenge you.... what are you living for? Are you living for fleshly desires? Are you focused on things of this earth? Are you focused on selfish desires? Or are you remembering that the things of this earth will fade away and don't matter? Are you focused on the things that count? Is you life surrendered to God to do the things He has called you to do? Are you eager to one day be in heaven and be able to worship God at His feet? Are you eager to see Him face to face? Where is your focus? And who are you depending on? Are you trying to do it all by yourself like you've got this.. or are you surrendered and depending on God?
I tell you, this experience has changed my life for the better and I remember it every morning and every day as I wake up and thank God for life. I thank God for another breath. I thank God that I can run and play basketball. And I give every second of it to Him. I'm living for Him! He's why I'm alive and that's why I'm here to proclaim His good news, His love, His grace, His mercy, and His faithfulness... His everlasting faithfulness! So I encourage you, if you're going through a tough time of health, finances, umemployment, relationships, you name it.... surrender it to God. Trust Him and know that He will answer your prayers! Let His all surpassing peace come over you and give you rest. Let Him show you His power and glory through working it all out! God is faithful.... He will provide!!! He will heal!! He will save!!! He will meet every single need and desire that is ours when we are fully surrendered to Him!!! So just let go and let God!! TRUST HIM!!! Let you're faith grow!! He will do it!! Know that HE IS FAITHFUL!
I pray that this encourages you!! And know that there is more to my story..... but that is for another day! So please stay tuned!
I want to leave you with a song that really encouraged me during this time. It's called One Day at a Time by Jeremy Camp. All we can do while we're in the middle of the storm is take it one day at a time....
One day at a time i will walk this road i've traveled so far
One day at a time well i know i will carry on
One day at a time i can see you took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along
All this hope i breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and i'll take all i will
To understand this plan you have for me, for me
I've been shut up shut down held out held down
In ways i never knew i would
I CAN feel your fullness in my life
Well i've been burned out broken torn out torn down
In ways i never knew i would
I CAN feel your fullness in my life
One day at a time I will take these words you've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing you
One day at a time I will share this gift you've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through
All I know is that I see how much my heart
Is longing to be cradled by your side
And i'll give all i can to one day soon
Be held by your hand, by your hand
In all these things i will press on
I'll be with you i know it wont be long
Here's the link to here the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyUrpBVcWOY
Living by God's heartbeat...
Loving Recklessly,
Becky
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